{ABVH} The Harlequin
Jun. 21st, 2007 02:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
deannawolRight, so there are multiple things wrong with this book. Let me just preface this by the disclaimer that I will put up with a large amount of tripe in the books that I read. I regularly read black lace, crap fiction, supernatural romance and the back of cereal boxes. I will put up with a lot of badness in fanfic and will still probably continue reading until the end then pick out what I liked about the story and move on.
Now, I only started reading the AB series when I got them as an Xmas present from a friend and continued reading until I got up to book 12, where I had to wait for the next book in the series. Read it and it was okay-ish for a book that has no plot and bad pseudo-sex scenes. However, that's neither here nor there.
The Harlequin has a couple of really good ideas. The first being the group that the book takes it's name from. The Harlequin are a neutral branch of the vampire council who investigate issues that the council are hung on and decide a course of action. The vampires who make up the Harlequin are not known and their very existence is a thing confined to shadows. Vampires are not allowed to talk about them until the Harlequin give permission, to do so is death. They give out masks - white, red and black - dependant on the action that they are planning on taking. White is for talking and observation, red is for pain and punishment, black is for death. A mask must be given before anything is carried out. Unlike most vampires, the Harlequin use modern surveillance methods to eavesdrop on conversations and actions, and thanks to the vampires inherant lack of understanding of tech and unwillingness to embrace new concepts, their victims think that the Harlequin is one of the most magically active group of vampires.
However, when they are explained in terms of the Wild Hunt - a concept she assf*cks in another series, it starts to fall down. As usual, her concepts are good but when she tries to put them to paper, they fall down rather spectacularly. Anita and her magical nether regions manage to find the identities of two of the vampires - something she's not supposed to do. She practically and actually attacks them. She is pretty much breaking most of the rules that are laid down by the council. But it's all okay, because it's Anita.
So, now we've gotten the plot out of the way...
This book is mainly dialogue, which is a bad thing given that LKH can't write decent dialogue to save her sorry ass. The first couple of scenes and conversations are woefully disjointed. The lack of bridging paragraphs and action scenes makes it seem as if she's popping around from one paragraph to the other and seems mostly tacked on. This continues but the disjointing smoothes out - well it's hard to disjoint a single conversation that takes place over 100 pages.
But this aside, because I can forgive an amount of disjointing as long as the points get across, there are a number of gross inconsistancies in the book. The time line is one of these issues. She jumps around from reference to reference and gets the timing wrong. I mean, I'm sorry but if I'm writing a series of books that span a time period, I'd have a whiteboard out and key events marked out on it. But again, forgiveable, if just by the skin of it's teeth. Characters have changed too...
Sylvie, remember her - the lesbian wolf who's second only to Richard the Whiny? Well, she's not exactly lesbian any more. In fact "I don't do women!" was the line that I had a huge problem with. Whatever happened to Gwen? Did she mean that she didn't do other women or that she'd magically gone straight? Maybe Anita under the stress of her honies fighting it out to the death was dropped into a strange dreamstate that mimics awakeness? Parallel dimension anyone? For the love of readers, try to be a little more consistant.
Asher is mysteriously missing in everything but reference. He's been mentioned several times but has failed to appear. But that's okay because apparently it's impossible for them to be in the same room as each other with out jumping each other. Yeah right!
Also, Anita's scruples seem to have an on again, off again role in this book. She thinks nothing of Byron flopping across her lap naked in his fourteen year old body but the eighteen year old drawing her a bath causes major issues. She's happily naked and screwed in her room in front of multiple people, in a hallway with Rafael (yes, yes, Rafael is now fodder and through him the entire rodere of St. Louis), in a hospital bed with Donovan (SwanKing)... And it's now not just the person she's sleeping with that she drains, it's their entire packs/pards/rodere/etc. Those issues that were once central to her character are now only paid lip service and only briefly before she embarks on another round of shagging...
However, an old friend makes an appearance in this book. Olaf. Yeah, that's right. The horrible serial killer. The one she had nightmares about. And he's on her side. He's all reformed (kinda) and hasn't killed in the past 18 months all because of Anita. Um... Can someone call bullshit on this? I mean, really? You want us to buy this... Oh and the Government have a weird deal with him that he can't kill on homeground. Sociopaths don't really do the whole deal thing so why would he? And how the hell did he get past the psyche test for getting into the black ops programme? *sigh* Do a little bit of thinking before committing to paper, hon.
Now for the boring bit, the Micah vs Richard front. Micah (a.k.a. Dick of Doom) continually comes up smelling of roses. He's bigger, better and 100% faithful to Anita, while Richard is whiny, immature and screws around. But to be honest, in this book Micah just serves as a bland counterpoint to Richard's growing insanity. Right, we get that Richard wants Anita in the white-picket-fence way. We get that he's large. But for the love of crap, does she have to bleed every time she does him? And why the hell is she agreeing to sex that leaves her unable to stand upright for about ten minutes and bleeding? Richard went at her so hard that she was cramping. And while he's appologizing, she says it's okay and that it's not the first time. Sure, there is a territory battle going on over Anita's nether regions but really, it's getting a bit ridiculous.
But on the other hand, it's obvious why she's not comfortable topping Nathanial. She's a bottom. She likes being on the pain receiving end. It's only when the ardeur is riding her that she becomes vicious. Not that hard to figure out, really.
Oh and on the subject of Peter. There was no point in bringing him into the book. He served no purpose that another unknown face couldn't have done. He turned up, he threw himself in the way, he got clawed up, he now talks to Anita on the phone about survivors guilt. Huh? At least she didn't shag him! I expect that will be in the next book!
Plot of Book in small easy pieces
0) Anita has meeting with Malcolm
1) Anita goes on date with Nathanial
2) Anita freaks; Nathanial whimpers;
3) Anita receives mask and calls Jean Claude
4) Anita freaks; Nathanial whimpers;
5) Anita goes to Guilty Pleasures and gets told what the rest of the plot contains
6) Anita freaks; Richard freaks in the distance;
7) Anita goes to Circus of the Damned
8) Anita freaks; Richard freaks;
9) The shagging starts / People get their lust levels played with
10) Anita freaks; Richard freaks;
11) Near death ensues
12) Anita freaks;
13) Edward shows up with Olaf and Peter
14) Anita freaks;
15) Anita gets attacked by weird-ass not-quite-were minion
16) Anita freaks;
17) Anita gets knocked out mid phonecall by a were-doctor
18) Anita freaks; We cheer!
19) Anita wakes up
20) Anita freaks; We boo and hiss!
21) Dolph goes off the deepend and starts figuring some stuff out
22) Anita freaks; Everyone shoves Dolph out of the room
23) Random crap happens and Edward and Olaf do manly stuff
24) Anita freaks;
25) Anita finds out that Olaf has been touching her intestines while she was out and being sewn up
26) Anita freaks; Everyone has no problem with this
27) Anita gets a call from Malcolm and it's a setup for the final showdown
28) Anita freaks - a little; Everyone moves to the Church
29) The showdown happens and metaphysical crap starts happening
30) Anita freaks; Richard freaks; Everyone else is fine
31) Metaphysical fight happens and naturally Anita's side wins
32) Anita calms down; Richard quits; Random non-orgy ensues
33) Anita and Olaf share a touching moment in someone's pericardial sac
34) Anita freaks;
35) Conclusion happens
36) Anita talks regularly to Peter; Anita is learning BDSM; Richard has dumped her (again); Asher is going to teach Anita BDSM
Characters who only appear in name and in one or two random lines of text:
Asher
Sylvie
Jason
Jamil
I swear, a single line of text each. That's the height of their participation in this novel.
But on that note, I've been thinking... The characters which appear in this book in a negative light (or rather the characters who accuse Anita of being wrong) serve to counterpoint several of the problems that fans have had with her recent books. Don't believe me? Here's a quick breakdown
Richard: The fanbase that thinks that Micah should never be put into the book and the fans who think that this badly written character is a clone of her real life current partner. He's the one who's always there for her. Always perfect. Richard spends quite a large section of the book goading Anita about Micah and the fact that he's perfect, that he's the most weak-willed, cowed man in her bed (Nathanial doesn't count because he's not an Alpha).
Clay: The fanbase that thinks "If you're going to do it, do it properly!" He takes Anita aside and points out several problems with her relationships and wants an input into who she sleeps with next.
Dolph: The fanbase that is still hoping that she'll stop with the Ardeur thing and get back to her real job and the fanbase that eagerly want to see the investigation aspect back in the next books.
Zebrowski: The fanbase that still buy and read the books but defend them to other people.
Nathanial: The fanbase that's saying pull your finger out and get better or we will quit you!
Requiem: The fanbase that shouts out that Jean-Claude is only out for himself and barring a little snuggling and a cute pet name, there is no romantic involvement there at all.
I had more than that this morning when I thought of the concept but it's disappeared now. I'll probably update later when I figure it out.
However, her minor characters make a large amount of sense in this book because it's what we've been shouting at Anita and Laurell for ages. But because the character whose inner diatribe we hear is Anita, they are all painted in a bad light, or they would if the woman could actually write.
Yet again, BDSM is one of the issues dealt with in the book and dealt with badly. Okay, so I liked Nathanial's discussion of why he wanted it and why he would leave without it because I've been there and felt that way. That wasn't completely out of the realm of possibility. I liked when Byron came in and pulled his braid and he reacted by getting aroused (mentally anyway). But then the angsting over it. I don't care that Anita has a problem with it. She shouldn't have gotten involved with a man so heavily into the scene if she wasn't at least willing to pull out the fuzzy handcuffs and give it a go. For christ's sake, he was only asking her to tie him up, not rip him apart. And she has an issue with even that. But as I've said before, it's because that's the position she want's to be in .
However, in the epilogue of the book, she apparently has discussed it with Jean Claude and he told her to get training from a Top. So Asher (remember Asher, the guy she's not supposed to be alone with in a room cause they'll screw each other to death?) is going to train her. I'm sorry, Master vampire he may be, but over Anita? I don't think so. And I'm sorry, does the image of Asher standing there and telling her how exactly to hit Nathanial just not gel with anyone else?
In real life, if you are going to be trained by a Master to be a Master in your own right (and yes it does happen), you have to submit to that Master as their submissive until you know how to be a submissive, and only then can you start turning the tables. And I don't see Laurrell doing that to Anita's I-Must-Be-Dominant-All-The-Time character. So anything she does on this is just going to come off stunted and broken.
If she's going to persue it, why doesn't she just let the ardeur out a bit more when she's feeding from him. We've seen that it has a destructive effect on those it considers weaker. Surely that should include bites, marks and general pain? But no... She's gotta go f*cking around in the world she knows only by bad internet articles.
Do us a favour and leave us real practicioners alone. Drop the topic before you spread more of your really bad ideas on the rest of the world.
If anyone wants particularly to borrow the book, I will lend it to them. I won't say you'd like it but you're welcome to try.
Now, I only started reading the AB series when I got them as an Xmas present from a friend and continued reading until I got up to book 12, where I had to wait for the next book in the series. Read it and it was okay-ish for a book that has no plot and bad pseudo-sex scenes. However, that's neither here nor there.
The Harlequin has a couple of really good ideas. The first being the group that the book takes it's name from. The Harlequin are a neutral branch of the vampire council who investigate issues that the council are hung on and decide a course of action. The vampires who make up the Harlequin are not known and their very existence is a thing confined to shadows. Vampires are not allowed to talk about them until the Harlequin give permission, to do so is death. They give out masks - white, red and black - dependant on the action that they are planning on taking. White is for talking and observation, red is for pain and punishment, black is for death. A mask must be given before anything is carried out. Unlike most vampires, the Harlequin use modern surveillance methods to eavesdrop on conversations and actions, and thanks to the vampires inherant lack of understanding of tech and unwillingness to embrace new concepts, their victims think that the Harlequin is one of the most magically active group of vampires.
However, when they are explained in terms of the Wild Hunt - a concept she assf*cks in another series, it starts to fall down. As usual, her concepts are good but when she tries to put them to paper, they fall down rather spectacularly. Anita and her magical nether regions manage to find the identities of two of the vampires - something she's not supposed to do. She practically and actually attacks them. She is pretty much breaking most of the rules that are laid down by the council. But it's all okay, because it's Anita.
So, now we've gotten the plot out of the way...
This book is mainly dialogue, which is a bad thing given that LKH can't write decent dialogue to save her sorry ass. The first couple of scenes and conversations are woefully disjointed. The lack of bridging paragraphs and action scenes makes it seem as if she's popping around from one paragraph to the other and seems mostly tacked on. This continues but the disjointing smoothes out - well it's hard to disjoint a single conversation that takes place over 100 pages.
But this aside, because I can forgive an amount of disjointing as long as the points get across, there are a number of gross inconsistancies in the book. The time line is one of these issues. She jumps around from reference to reference and gets the timing wrong. I mean, I'm sorry but if I'm writing a series of books that span a time period, I'd have a whiteboard out and key events marked out on it. But again, forgiveable, if just by the skin of it's teeth. Characters have changed too...
Sylvie, remember her - the lesbian wolf who's second only to Richard the Whiny? Well, she's not exactly lesbian any more. In fact "I don't do women!" was the line that I had a huge problem with. Whatever happened to Gwen? Did she mean that she didn't do other women or that she'd magically gone straight? Maybe Anita under the stress of her honies fighting it out to the death was dropped into a strange dreamstate that mimics awakeness? Parallel dimension anyone? For the love of readers, try to be a little more consistant.
Asher is mysteriously missing in everything but reference. He's been mentioned several times but has failed to appear. But that's okay because apparently it's impossible for them to be in the same room as each other with out jumping each other. Yeah right!
Also, Anita's scruples seem to have an on again, off again role in this book. She thinks nothing of Byron flopping across her lap naked in his fourteen year old body but the eighteen year old drawing her a bath causes major issues. She's happily naked and screwed in her room in front of multiple people, in a hallway with Rafael (yes, yes, Rafael is now fodder and through him the entire rodere of St. Louis), in a hospital bed with Donovan (SwanKing)... And it's now not just the person she's sleeping with that she drains, it's their entire packs/pards/rodere/etc. Those issues that were once central to her character are now only paid lip service and only briefly before she embarks on another round of shagging...
However, an old friend makes an appearance in this book. Olaf. Yeah, that's right. The horrible serial killer. The one she had nightmares about. And he's on her side. He's all reformed (kinda) and hasn't killed in the past 18 months all because of Anita. Um... Can someone call bullshit on this? I mean, really? You want us to buy this... Oh and the Government have a weird deal with him that he can't kill on homeground. Sociopaths don't really do the whole deal thing so why would he? And how the hell did he get past the psyche test for getting into the black ops programme? *sigh* Do a little bit of thinking before committing to paper, hon.
Now for the boring bit, the Micah vs Richard front. Micah (a.k.a. Dick of Doom) continually comes up smelling of roses. He's bigger, better and 100% faithful to Anita, while Richard is whiny, immature and screws around. But to be honest, in this book Micah just serves as a bland counterpoint to Richard's growing insanity. Right, we get that Richard wants Anita in the white-picket-fence way. We get that he's large. But for the love of crap, does she have to bleed every time she does him? And why the hell is she agreeing to sex that leaves her unable to stand upright for about ten minutes and bleeding? Richard went at her so hard that she was cramping. And while he's appologizing, she says it's okay and that it's not the first time. Sure, there is a territory battle going on over Anita's nether regions but really, it's getting a bit ridiculous.
But on the other hand, it's obvious why she's not comfortable topping Nathanial. She's a bottom. She likes being on the pain receiving end. It's only when the ardeur is riding her that she becomes vicious. Not that hard to figure out, really.
Oh and on the subject of Peter. There was no point in bringing him into the book. He served no purpose that another unknown face couldn't have done. He turned up, he threw himself in the way, he got clawed up, he now talks to Anita on the phone about survivors guilt. Huh? At least she didn't shag him! I expect that will be in the next book!
Plot of Book in small easy pieces
0) Anita has meeting with Malcolm
1) Anita goes on date with Nathanial
2) Anita freaks; Nathanial whimpers;
3) Anita receives mask and calls Jean Claude
4) Anita freaks; Nathanial whimpers;
5) Anita goes to Guilty Pleasures and gets told what the rest of the plot contains
6) Anita freaks; Richard freaks in the distance;
7) Anita goes to Circus of the Damned
8) Anita freaks; Richard freaks;
9) The shagging starts / People get their lust levels played with
10) Anita freaks; Richard freaks;
11) Near death ensues
12) Anita freaks;
13) Edward shows up with Olaf and Peter
14) Anita freaks;
15) Anita gets attacked by weird-ass not-quite-were minion
16) Anita freaks;
17) Anita gets knocked out mid phonecall by a were-doctor
18) Anita freaks; We cheer!
19) Anita wakes up
20) Anita freaks; We boo and hiss!
21) Dolph goes off the deepend and starts figuring some stuff out
22) Anita freaks; Everyone shoves Dolph out of the room
23) Random crap happens and Edward and Olaf do manly stuff
24) Anita freaks;
25) Anita finds out that Olaf has been touching her intestines while she was out and being sewn up
26) Anita freaks; Everyone has no problem with this
27) Anita gets a call from Malcolm and it's a setup for the final showdown
28) Anita freaks - a little; Everyone moves to the Church
29) The showdown happens and metaphysical crap starts happening
30) Anita freaks; Richard freaks; Everyone else is fine
31) Metaphysical fight happens and naturally Anita's side wins
32) Anita calms down; Richard quits; Random non-orgy ensues
33) Anita and Olaf share a touching moment in someone's pericardial sac
34) Anita freaks;
35) Conclusion happens
36) Anita talks regularly to Peter; Anita is learning BDSM; Richard has dumped her (again); Asher is going to teach Anita BDSM
Characters who only appear in name and in one or two random lines of text:
Asher
Sylvie
Jason
Jamil
I swear, a single line of text each. That's the height of their participation in this novel.
But on that note, I've been thinking... The characters which appear in this book in a negative light (or rather the characters who accuse Anita of being wrong) serve to counterpoint several of the problems that fans have had with her recent books. Don't believe me? Here's a quick breakdown
Richard: The fanbase that thinks that Micah should never be put into the book and the fans who think that this badly written character is a clone of her real life current partner. He's the one who's always there for her. Always perfect. Richard spends quite a large section of the book goading Anita about Micah and the fact that he's perfect, that he's the most weak-willed, cowed man in her bed (Nathanial doesn't count because he's not an Alpha).
Clay: The fanbase that thinks "If you're going to do it, do it properly!" He takes Anita aside and points out several problems with her relationships and wants an input into who she sleeps with next.
Dolph: The fanbase that is still hoping that she'll stop with the Ardeur thing and get back to her real job and the fanbase that eagerly want to see the investigation aspect back in the next books.
Zebrowski: The fanbase that still buy and read the books but defend them to other people.
Nathanial: The fanbase that's saying pull your finger out and get better or we will quit you!
Requiem: The fanbase that shouts out that Jean-Claude is only out for himself and barring a little snuggling and a cute pet name, there is no romantic involvement there at all.
I had more than that this morning when I thought of the concept but it's disappeared now. I'll probably update later when I figure it out.
However, her minor characters make a large amount of sense in this book because it's what we've been shouting at Anita and Laurell for ages. But because the character whose inner diatribe we hear is Anita, they are all painted in a bad light, or they would if the woman could actually write.
Yet again, BDSM is one of the issues dealt with in the book and dealt with badly. Okay, so I liked Nathanial's discussion of why he wanted it and why he would leave without it because I've been there and felt that way. That wasn't completely out of the realm of possibility. I liked when Byron came in and pulled his braid and he reacted by getting aroused (mentally anyway). But then the angsting over it. I don't care that Anita has a problem with it. She shouldn't have gotten involved with a man so heavily into the scene if she wasn't at least willing to pull out the fuzzy handcuffs and give it a go. For christ's sake, he was only asking her to tie him up, not rip him apart. And she has an issue with even that. But as I've said before, it's because that's the position she want's to be in .
However, in the epilogue of the book, she apparently has discussed it with Jean Claude and he told her to get training from a Top. So Asher (remember Asher, the guy she's not supposed to be alone with in a room cause they'll screw each other to death?) is going to train her. I'm sorry, Master vampire he may be, but over Anita? I don't think so. And I'm sorry, does the image of Asher standing there and telling her how exactly to hit Nathanial just not gel with anyone else?
In real life, if you are going to be trained by a Master to be a Master in your own right (and yes it does happen), you have to submit to that Master as their submissive until you know how to be a submissive, and only then can you start turning the tables. And I don't see Laurrell doing that to Anita's I-Must-Be-Dominant-All-The-Time character. So anything she does on this is just going to come off stunted and broken.
If she's going to persue it, why doesn't she just let the ardeur out a bit more when she's feeding from him. We've seen that it has a destructive effect on those it considers weaker. Surely that should include bites, marks and general pain? But no... She's gotta go f*cking around in the world she knows only by bad internet articles.
Do us a favour and leave us real practicioners alone. Drop the topic before you spread more of your really bad ideas on the rest of the world.
If anyone wants particularly to borrow the book, I will lend it to them. I won't say you'd like it but you're welcome to try.
no subject
Date: 2007-06-21 04:32 pm (UTC)I am yet another disgruntled ABVH fan. I haven't read Danse Macabre -didn't buy it from the moment LKH said it was 'about sorting out Anita's personal life'. Meaning, more shit sex which makes you cringe so badly. I have never read sex so badly, so falsely done. LKH needs to steer clear of it.
I was surprised to see on Amazon another AB book turned around so quickly - the last 2 seem to me to have been close together. I'd heard there was more pot in Harlequin, and I loved the way you broke it down! That was a blaST.
Will I buy it? No. I'll wait until I see a copy for 30p in Oxfam and maybe pick it up then. I've never recovered from the hell that was 'Micah'.
no subject
Date: 2007-06-22 10:25 pm (UTC)It was a really quick turn around considering everything else that she has on her plate at the moment. The wait between the last couple was a lot longer. But it's turned into bad serial porn. And I'm sorry, I could write better porn when I was thirteen.
Glad you liked the breakdown. *grin* I tried to take it seriously. Really I did... But nope. Not a chance.
*grin* And it was a birthday pressie so I can honestly say that I didn't cave and buy it. Now... How do I make it up to them ;)